BERT: Australia has no shortage of funny women - just a shortage of opportunities for them to find work. Unfunny women, on the other hand, always seem to find a way to lurch into the spotlight. Could it be that the Australian media rewards attention-seeking rather than talent and ability? Nahh, that could never happen...

	WORST COMEDY PERSONALITY OR PERFORMER - FEMALE Rebel Wilson - 34.33% "What is it about fat, unfunny women that Australians find so appealing?" - TheVoyuer "Do I really need to go into detail?" - Don't You Dare Use My Comments "That she made it in solely for the ARIAs says enough." - Daniel G NOMINEES Catherine Deveny - 32.84% Julia Morris - 32.84% Last year's winner: Veronica Milsom (Worst Actress)

In much the same way as the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" is a crap recipe for lemonade (hello, where's the sugar), when life gives you a fat arse, you still need the extra ingredient of talent before you decide to make comedy. That's a talent for comedy, by the way, not a talent for buggering off to America then constantly reporting back that you're going to be playing the sister of that guy you look like from Little Britain in a Judd Apatow-produced movie. Playing the sister of a supporting character, hey? Gee, guess that's almost a step-up from "fat goth" in Ghost Rider.

Remember a year ago when people actually cared about Catherine Deveny? As her career shrivels in the manner of a witch doused in water, blathering on about how her being dumped by The Age was just like Ricky Gervais's Golden Globes hosting (that's right, because he made jokes about an underage girl getting laid) let that be a lesson to us all: on the internet, no-one can hear you rant on incoherently. Hang on a second...

Julia Morris spent 2010 peddling an odious so-called "film festival" based entirely around getting people to make films about herself. The fact that, after the tiniest of flutters of publicity over its initial announcement, nothing has been heard since is a hopeful sign that her desperate scrabbling for attention may have finally fizzled out. May we speak no more of her.

EDDIE: You know, we've showcased some fantastic female talent on Channel 9 over the years.

BERT: Are you sure about that, Eddie?

EDDIE: Absolutely, check this out...

MONTAGE OF CLIPS OF BIKINI-CLAD MODELS APPEARING IN THE ERNIE SIGLEY SHOW, THE PAUL HOGAN SHOW, DARYL SOMER'S BLANKETY BLANKS, SALE OF THE CENTURY, ETC, ETC, THEN HALF A SECOND OF DENISE DRYSDALE IN A CHICKEN SUIT, FOLLOWED BY SOME HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE OF DARYL SOMERS HAVING DENISE DRYSDALE SACKED FROM HEY HEY FOR BEING FUNNIER THAN HIM. ENDS WITH THE CAPTION "CHANNEL 9 - APPRECIATING FEMALE TALENT SINCE 1956".

	Worst Comedy Personality Or Performer - Male Worst TV L.E. Show