Worst Merchandise Winner: The Gruen Transfer t-shirts range - 57.89% Nominees Spicks & Specks board game - 21.05% Summer Heights High t-shirts range - 21.05% Last Year's Winner Chopply

	Voter comments The Spicks & Specks game is probably rubbish, but it makes sense. The Summer Heights High shirts are DEFINITELY rubbish, but it's catchphrase/"shock" comedy, you expect t-shirts. But The Gruen Transfer? Fuck off, why? Shall we have some Lateline t-shirts next? Sunday? They're funnier shows! I'd almost definitely wear a Laurie Oakes t-shirt. But not a Gruen Transfer one. - samadriel I hear "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts sold in equal numbers. - Emergency Lalla Ward 10 Show about advertising that claims advertising isn't so bad has cheap tat to flog. There's a lesson in that somewhere. - mixmaster flibble

The human brain hasn't yet evolved to a point where it can piece together the layers of complexity required to make Gruen Transfer t-shirts "ironic". So it's fairly safe to assume they're targeted at morons who don't understand that advertising a show that's supposedly deconstructing advertising is on a par with those teens you used to see walking around wearing TOOL t-shirts thinking they were advertising their coolness.

Sure, you could buy the Spicks & Specks board game. Or you could buy a CD and read the liner notes while listening to it. Only one of the two would be entertaining. But at least the Spicks & Specks board game has a "game" buried in there somewhere; all the Summer Heights High game has to offer is the chance to waste a good slice of your time playing a very cheap, very poor knock-off of the kind of move-around-the-board game you already own and never play.

But back to The Gruen Transfer. It's been one of the big winners at this year's Tumblies so far and because we know you just can't wait to see the next series, here's a treat, a special Tumblies version just for you...

	WIL ANDERSON Hairgel hairgel, cheeky grin cheeky grin...welcome to another edition of The Gruen Transfer, the show that casts a critical eye over the murky world of advertising, delves into its shady tactics, checks out the smoke and mirrors... and then hastily concludes it's all basically fine. Joining me as usual is Russel Howcroft... RUSSEL HOWCROFT Baldy baldy, smug smug, I'm not wearing a tie. Thanks, Wil, nice to be here. By the way, how come we've both only got one L in our names? WIL ANDERSON Because we're cool media men about town who don't care WHAT we say or how we spell our names, Russel. Watch out, the advertising industry - we're coming after you! Now where's my wacky t-shirt featuring Lucky Grills smoking a spliff? DAN GREGORY Steady on, Wil... WIL ANDERSON Uh-oh, keeping us rabble in check as ever, Mr Dan Gregory, ladies and gentlemen! DAN GREGORY Right-wing right-wing, sweaty sweaty fat bastard. Good evening. WIL ANDERSON Nice one, Dan. OK, so round one is all about the REAL way they industry wants you to buy Tim Tams. You think it's all about personal choice? Think again, my friends - we're going to blow the lid on their whole game right here right now! So, to let us in on a few trade secrets, please welcome...some bloke from Saatchi and Saatchi! SOME BLOKE FROM SAATCHI AND SAATCHI Hi there, Wil! WIL ANDERSON Welcome to the show. So tell me, just how do the Tim Tim guys do it?! SOME BLOKE FROM SAATCHI AND SAATCHI Well basically, Wil, we...I mean, they...launch a very clever campaign employing some of the best branding consultants in the business, based on extensive market research and in-depth psychological profiling. WIL ANDERSON Oh no, you've let the cat out of the bag now! Fortunately we've got an example of what you're talking about right here... CUT TO SAATCHI AND SAATCHI'S NEW TIM TAMS AD PLAYED IN FULL FOR FREE. WIL ANDERSON Ha, they won't be up to those old tricks again in a hurry! DAN GREGORY Can I just say that I, for one, applaud the new Tim Tams campaign? Too many people like to knock the industry, but I reckon they've got a clever bunch of fellas on this one. Nice work. ENTIRE AUDIENCE CHEERS. RUSSEL HOWCROFT What's the deal with Tim Tams anyway? Are they a chocolate or a biscuit? Nobody really knows! Either way, they're delicious, esepcially if you do that thing with the coffee. WIL ANDERSON Yeah, I might buy some after this is over. RUSSEL HOWCROFT Me too. DAN GREGORY Can I just say Malcolm Turnbull's a bloody great bloke? WIL ANDERSON No time for that, Dan - time for our round about seemingly impossible pitches. How would you advertise Cambodian timeshares, for example?! DAN GREGORY 'Kymer, and...um...Rouge, which sounds a bit like 'rush', into this great deal'? That sort of works. AUDIENCE PISS THEMSELVES. RUSSEL HOWCROFT I hear they brought out Tia Maria-flavoured ones last year... SOME BLOKE FROM SAATCHI AND SAATCHI Can I go now? WIL ANDERSON Steady on, steady on...because tonight's challenge is: how would you persuade someone to go and see Baz Lurhmann's Australia? ENTIRE PANEL LOOK AT THEIR FEET AWKWARDLY. WIL ANDERSON Oh dear, well that appears to have everyone stumped. But never mind, because that's all we have time for. Just remains for me to thank our panelists Russel Howcroft... RUSSEL HOWCROFT Maybe they could put a Tim Tam on the moon?! WIL ANDERSON Dan Gregory... DAN GREGORY Sieg heil! WIL ANDERSON And some bloke from Saatchi and Sa...oh, he's just got into a taxi. Well, he's a busy man. I'm Wil Anderson, and next time YOU see an ad make sure you think long and hard about what it's REALLY trying to say. Because a lot of ad men work bloody hard and they deserve a bit of credit now and again. Goodnight! A SHOWER OF TIM TAMS FALLS FROM CEILING AND ENGULFS EVERYONE.

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