BERT: Light entertainment! Where the name almost says it all - you just have to add an "on" between "light" and...ahh, just announce the winner already.
The return of Hey Hey It's Saturday...doesn't it already feel like a bad dream? Seriously, for something that we were told time and time and time again that Australia was crying out for in its sweaty, unsettled sleep, we sure do seem to be getting along just fine without it now. And do you know why? Because it was crap. It was so obviously crap that by the end even its fiercest supporters had shut the hell up in the face of Daryl Somers' Colonel Kurtz- (or Clink-) like determination to drag two hours of live television each week down a path that not-only led nowhere but had been proven to lead nowhere when it was axed the first time around. To quote the show itself: "Right on Daryl and Ossie".
Even pensioners know how to get onto YouTube now: how is Australia's Funniest Home Videos still on the air?
The White Room failed like pretty much every comedy show on Seven in 2010 failed, but unlike the other duds this one almost could have worked. Yes, it would have needed funny guests, funny challenges, hosts who were allowed to be funny and some funny jokes, but it did get one thing right: it didn't star Peter Helliar.
EDDIE: You know Bert, I'm starting to have second thoughts about these awards. Have you seen some of the things they've asked me to say?
BERT: Listen mate, there's no real difference between saying nice things about a sponsor and saying nasty things about crap comedy - it's all money in the bank.
EDDIE: I get it - I take one for the team this week, keep my mouth shut, and next week they're renewing my game show for the next two years. It's The National IQ Test all over again!
BERT: On to our next category, then...