EDDIE: In previous years there often haven't been enough Australian comedy films to justify this category. But we kept it going, waiting, hoping, knowing that one year someone would think a romantic comedy starring a not overly charismatic and frankly somewhat plain-looking gentleman would be a good idea. And then suddenly, like the buses of legend, two come along at once.
You know what was funny in Wog Boy 2? The winking donkey. You just don't see that level of comedy commitment these days. Seriously, you could not name an Australian television show or movie project that would not be improved a thousandfold by the addition of a winking donkey. Maybe someone should open a bar called The Winking Donkey, in tribute. And then, when everyone involved in Wog Boy 2 attends the opening of that bar, they can discover that it's actually some kind of atomic submarine, the doors are locked, and they're going on a fifteen year voyage to find that underwater city where Marine Boy lives. Bon voyage.
I Love You Too is the kind of film Australia really needs to be making more of. Not because it was any good, mind you, but if we keep on making romantic comedies eventually we might make one that works. Presumably keeping Peter Helliar out of the mix would be a decent step in that direction too - yeah, we know he wrote the script, but considering it was meant to be a proper movie starring people who could actually act, why was he in it again?
In case you don't know, Joffa is a marginally well-known member of the cheer squad for the Collingwood AFL club. Presumably that's the joke here.
BERT: Well, sadly we don't have any clips from any of those films to show you...
...because here at GTV-9 we make television...
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Really? I've never seen them make anything you could describe as "television".
ANOTHER AUDIENCE MEMBER: Who knew!
BERT: ...so here's a montage of clips of people who were unfairly sacked from Channel 9 and then went on to enjoy success in the world of film. In other words, some clips from The Mick Molloy Show, a programme the writers of these awards keep blathering on and on about. Although let's face it, there was really only one decent moment in that show, and it was me supervising a skulling competition. So let's see that clip right now...
TWO NERVOUS LOOKING MEN HOLDING YARD GLASSES OF BEER ARE ENCOURAGED TO DRINK UP. ONE OF THEM ENDS UP PROJECTILE VOMITING EVERYWHERE. THAT COULD BE A METAPHOR FOR THESE AWARDS, IF ONLY WE COULD WORK OUT HOW.