BERT: Crap comedy doesn't just happen. You have to work at it year after year after year. In fact, it's actually harder to achieve than good comedy, because when you're making good comedy, people want you to continue. When you make crap, after a while people want you to stop. Sometimes those people go so far as to axe your show. But if you're truly committed to making crap, you won't let a little thing like that stop you - and so, to the surprise of pretty much no-one, the winner of this year's lifetime achievement award for crap comedy is...

	THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR CRAP COMEDY Daryl Somers - 46.15% "For fostering it, and being it." - Daniel G "Lifetime Achievement awards often go to people just before they die. Fingers crossed..." - Bean Is A Carrot "Julia Morris and Wil Anderson may suck, but none of them ever thought a paper plane contest was worth televising." - Leslie Fakename NOMINEES Julia Morris - 29.23% Wil Anderson - 24.62% Last year's winner: Daryl Somers

In this category Daryl Somers really showed the new-comers how it's done. It's not enough to merely be smug on your own show, and it's not enough to be desperately, painfully self-promoting in your every media appearance - you've got to do BOTH. Every chance you get. And on top of that you've got to suggest that everyone who doesn't agree that your every utterance is a national treasure and that even a five minute segment built entirely around you laughing at a man in a duck suit dry-humping a camera should be packed off to the National Archive, is somehow un-Australian. Not to mention dropping leaden hints that your show isn't aimed at people who don't like it because they're not true fans, even if they were true fans right up until you did a blackface segment. When you've got all that down to a well-oiled machine, then and only then do you have a shot. Until then, step aside, Mr Somers is coming through.

Julia Morris... um, I'm sorry, am I supposed to know who this person is? Seriously, I'm drawing a blank here. There's kind of a high-pitching whining noise going on, but... no, sorry.

C'mon Wil, lift your game! Clearly simply hosting various Gruen projects and putting on the regular stand-up show based around a tiresome "Wil" related pun just aren't cutting it anymore. Fortunately, Mr Anderson has a solo show on pay TV lined up for sometime in 2011 - fingers crossed it'll be enough to push him over the top next year.

	The "Pissing On Their Legacy" Award Best New Comedy