Conclusion

BERT: Well, that's all we've got time for at this year's Australian Tumbleweeds.

EDDIE: Yes, but before we go here's a few predictions for the 2011 Australian Comedy Year...

BERT: The ABC, not satisfied with sweeping all their unfunny comedy under the banner of "dramedy", will create a new category called simply "drama". Its first effort will be a show about a fart cushion that magically comes to life and is voiced by John Blackman.

EDDIE: Bolstered by the success of the comedian-hosted hard-hitting news of The 7PM Project, Ten will announce a new series of Meet The Press hosted by Agro. When Agro shows up drunk for the first seven weeks in a row, he'll be replaced by Fat Cat. When Fat Cat's inability to talk proves to be a problem after the following nine weeks, he'll be replaced by outtakes from David Tench Tonight.

BERT: Following the success of Hamish & Andy's new one-afternoon-a-week show, Fox FM will reduce the duo's on-air time to five minutes randomly broadcast every ten days. When that in turn leads them to total ratings domination, The All-New Hamish & Andy Show will revert to a three second format that may air sometime in 2016.

SUDDENLY A GIANT WRECKING BALL SWINGS INTO THE STUDIO, ALMOST KNOCKING EDDIE OUT.

EDDIE: Hey, you're not knocking this place down already, are you?

DEMOLITION CREW FOREMAN: Right, everyone out. This studio's got to be a pile of rubble by 10 O'Clock tomorrow morning.

DARYL SOMERS APPEARS.

DARYL: I can stay silent no longer. These awards have been a travesty, but what you're doing is far, far worse. I won't let you knock down this building. It should be a museum!

DEMOLITION CREW FOREMAN: Well if anyone knows about dusty old relics that no one can bothered to come and look at any more, it's you Daryl.

DARYL: (NODDING SAGELY) Yes, I thought a wing devoted to my work would be a good... (HE FINALLY GETS IT AND RAISES HIS FISTS) Oh, I'm mad now!

EVERYONE: You've been mad for years, Daryl.

BERT: Come on everyone, time to go. We've more than outstayed our welcome.

DARYL: I haven't and I'm not moving. 600,000 Facebook fans can't be wrong!

DARYL SITS DOWN ON THE GROUND WITH HIS ARMS FOLDED. EVERYONE ELSE MOVES OFF TO LEAVE THE WRECKING BALL TO FINISH ITS WORK. SEEMINGLY OBLIVIOUS TO THE VERY REAL POSSIBILITY THAT IT COULD KNOCK HIS HEAD CLEAN OFF, DARYL STARTS STAGGERING ABOUT THE SITE, RELIVING THE GREAT MOMENTS OF THE PAST AND MUTTERING INCOHERANTLY ABOUT THE FUTURE.

WHEN THE DUST SETTLES, ONE OF THE WRECKING CREW THINKS HE SPIES A FIGURE, LUMBERING OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF DOCKLANDS, BLABBERING ABOUT FACEBOOK AND HOW HE'S GOING TO INTRODUCE A COOKING SEGMENT IN THE NEW SERIES.

AS NIGHT FALLS, TWO ANGELS COME DOWN FROM HEAVEN FOR A LOOK AROUND. THEY ARE THE SPIRITS OF TWO OF THE MOST UNFORGETTABLE PEOPLE TO EVER APPEAR ON AUSTRALIAN TELEVISION. UNFORGETTABLE LARGELY BECAUSE CLIPS OF THEM SEEM TO KEEP GETTING PLAYED AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AGAIN...

DON LANE: Hey, quit slagging us off!

GRAHAM KENNEDY HOLDS UP A SIGN SAYING "GO HOME TUMBLIES". DON LAUGHS. THE BAND STRIKES UP AND THEY RETURN TO HEAVEN SINGING 76 TROMBONES.

FADE TO BLACK.

 Best Comedy